Thursday, April 12, 2007

Saving up

I have been storing things up for awhile, and now I'm going to pour them onto this page. I don't always have time to be with my thoughts. They usually hang around me like the annoying kid brother of a shadow: unacknowledged, forgotten, and sometimes he trips and whines because he scraped his knee on the rocks. It is then that I turn around and deal.

1. What's the world coming to? Drivers' education in school is a pork-barrel project in my state and it was slaughtered inhumanely on the floor of the legislature some time back. Given the rate of unfortunate teen accidents around here, this leaves me wondering why. Carload after carload of 18 years and under wrap around tree, phone pole, screech headlong into oncoming traffic because someone who makes lots of money thought a public program was costing the state too much money. Now, parents who give a damn scrape money out of the budget to send their fledgling drivers to class. And what are they learning there? How to be bad drivers. Ever wonder why you have to stop short when someone is turning? Well, it's because 100ft is considered a safe distance from your turn to signal your intent! I don't remember that being in the book; thought it was longer than that, for sure. Lots of rear-enders?? That's because programs do not teach the one-mississippi rule for each 10mph of speed you are traveling as a safe distance behind the car in front of you. Whoa nellie! Two seconds is all you need if you are driving 75mph behind someone. Watch out, I'm nearly a ton heavier than you! LOL.

2. Neighbors. Gotta love 'em. We are generally peaceful around here. I am a newcomer, and I was welcomed. I believe welcoming gestures are peace and quiet, lack of privacy fences going up around you, no one calling the pound on your dog, and polite waves as you pass on the road. I moved into a way of life. Not the other way around. You don't shove your way of life down a community's throat. The "When in Rome..." rule applies worldwide. Little old ladies from FL moved in, and decided they would be disgusted by the neighbor's slew of nice, classic automobiles in HIS yard and went swinging to the city council meeting demanding that the officials "clean up" the town. What the f***? I am insulted. How did she become appointed Ms. Clean for the community? Lady, cease lurking at your windows. And most definitely don't go to "offending" neighbor and ask him to buy a car and fix it up for you.

3. Taking time to watch old movies...I love the songs you hear that have quotes from movies. Two movies I watched recently swirled up memories of songs from my mental rolodex. Guns N Roses placed a famous movie line in one of their songs: "What we've got here is failure to communicate..." That's from Cool Hand Luke. Wow. I think it's a White Strips song that has a line from Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, a 1970 Russ Meyer film, that says something about the main character living in an apartment with 3 other girls, and they smoked marijuana cigarettes. What a bad bad girl. :)

4. Mass lullings into false sense of security....Recently a reader of a popular car magazine called me out in an editorial. I had previously hailed my big, gas guzzler of a commuting vehicle as practical when hauling literally assess upon assess to functions. One SUV, 8 butts, one partial tank of gas. Mr. Prius can only take half the amount of people on the same amount of gas. So I thought about all those doofus soccer moms who buy their Kia Sorrento because it is cute and whoa! It's a four cylinder (or a six), so it has to get great gas mileage, right?? No. Come one dingy bitches, get a Motor Trend and read. The new Mazda cross over barely gets 5 miles to the gallon hwy better than my big f***ing Dodge Truck. The Kia? Not better. Ran across a gentleman who should have known better, but he said that he was thinking about the Dodge Magnum 6 cylinder because an 8 cylinder drinks too much gas. I'm here to tell you folks that there is only 2 miles to the gallon difference between the two. So I bought a Hemi. Makes sense to me. Just because it is 4 cylinder or 6 cylinder does not mean it's a gas-mizer! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. How about the heavy-ass Honda Odyssey? It weighs as much as my truck, only has a 6 cyl, doesn't get that great of gas mileage, and people are buying stuff like this in droves because they don't understand physics. Match point: American Icon.

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